it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize