Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
