I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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