Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
