dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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