Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
