i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
