I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
