I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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