ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
