counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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