I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
