Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
