I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i think i have herpe
just one?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
