A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
