I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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