I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
