Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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