I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
