I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She has the best kind of daddy issues
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
