Whod you bang
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
