Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
