Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
