Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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