i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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