Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
