Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
two words...techno handjob
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize