You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
