I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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