I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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