i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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