Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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