Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize