Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
