Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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