You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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