i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
either way he was missing a nipple.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
