i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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