Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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