Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
