Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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