I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
