We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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