I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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