nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
