you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
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