I cockslap morals
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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