Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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