During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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