There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
