Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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