the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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