she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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