he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
