Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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