is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
