Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
