So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
