I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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