He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
two words...techno handjob
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize