Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
